no no no so no is my writing mantra

no no no so no is my writing mantra

Full disclosure – I did finish one piece this week, but then I celebrated by wasting a bunch of other time. So this list is in honor of all the other writing that I left in limbo with my slothfulness. I’m sorry, I should have baptized you first.

Here are the OTHER things I got done:

Exercise five times. You know things have gotten real blocky when sweating is preferred to writing.


Read one play (Circle Mirror Transformation by Annie Baker).


Took car2go for a distance less than one mile on 7 separate occasions (see above: slothfulness, dead baby pieces in limbo).


Considered changing my Twitter avatar to seem more professional, then decided that having an inappropriate picture of a puppet as a headshot is one of the perks of being a comedy writer and kept it.


kermit's dedication inspires me

Kermit’s dedication inspires me


Tried and failed to do my laundry four times. Moved it into the hallway three days before taking it downstairs. Finally succeeded in doing three loads but stalled out at 82% folded. Lost three socks and two pairs of underwear. Still considered it a success.


Read eight of my backlogged New York and Entertainment Weekly magazines. I know this isn’t technically work, but it does make me feel very accomplished and makes me better at pretending I have seen all the shows and read all the books.


Read the WORST e-book I have ever encountered on my Kindle. It came through an Amazon recommended email and it was basically like reading a never-ending Live Journal entry. I kept reading with the firm assurance that it would certainly improve, otherwise how could it be a book, and why would Amazon lie about this and ohmygod it’s still going and it’s so terrible WHY, but my faith in humanity was not served on that day.


Tried two new sandwiches. One was a BLT with a fried egg on it that quickly became cold and horrifying in texture, and the other was a chickpea sandwich that tasted mostly like lemons. Neither were excellent, which is the only acceptable standard or sandwiches. The scale is simply poor or excellent.**

**paid for by the National Association of Sandwich Evaluation


Watched my first episode of House Hunters Renovation and hated the woman on the show with such a burning fury that I felt energized enough to make this list. Thanks, you millwork psychopath!


Hey, there’s always next week.